Gather round, chitterlings, as Mama Awesome tells you some truthfacts one ought to have down by the time you’re 25 (again).
If you “get the joke”, proceed to the cocktail party.
This applies to school, work, religions, and all kinds of whatever the fuck else. You can do long division? Fabulous. See you at the bar. Don’t waste your time (and more importantly, mine) coaching everyone else (life rule teaching ceremony not included, duh) on how not to fail whilst failing.
You’re only as good as your last haircut.
This is actually something they teach in hairstyling school. It means stop thinking you’re the shit because you’re glamourous one day honey; ’cause you can be derelicte-my-balls the next. No but really though. Apply this one.
Who’s Zoomin’ Who?
Aretha teached me this one and I’m passing it on. Are you fooling me? Or are you fooling yourself thinking you’re fooling me? Or am I fooling you into fooling yourself thinking that you’re fooling me? Someone’s getting zoomed is all I’m saying.
Always be the last one to the party and never be the last one to leave.
If you’re gonna make an effort; make an entrance. And don’t break the spell by sticking around till the fluorescents come on, drinks are free-er at somebody’s penthouse.
Finally, and possibly MOST importantly,