It’s funny how a New Year inevitably forces a shift in perspective – looking back on what was; a hyperawareness on what is and the dollar-store craft glitter glimmer of what we hope will be. Like the Three Pounds one has mysteriously gained at the Jan 1 weigh-in, change has occured visibly but the transition was imperceptible; fitting into the former state of existance is no longer a possibility.
I always find myself a bit nostalgic this time of year – though not in the dreary lamenting-what-could-have-been sort of a way.. Since I generally run in the direction toward change, the things “lost in the fire” hold little value to me, with the exception of the momentary vision that burns out as quickly as it is illuminated, like the matchgirl’s magic matches. That being said, I do enjoy these trips down memory lane, recalling a state of sheer bliss singing along to a cassete tape in my bedroom at twelve years old, hacking at my hair with an electric razor in attempts to copy the haircuts in a japanese magazine. Then there are the embarassing moments re-lived without the reddened cheeks because you’ve grown beyond the you that would have cared about such juvenile trivialities — the tendancies of which are still exhibited from time to time under moments of impassioned disquietude…
Good friends we have, good friends we’ve lost…along..the wayyyyyy. I have left many many people behind and for the most part do not regret it. Every person has taught me something about human nature and the nature of the beast. Every wrong move has taught me at least three new right ones. So I count myself extremey lucky.
Enough empty philosophizing.
I hope you are all adjusting well to the new year and that it brings everyone luck and happiness. Or at least that whatever you’re chasing turns out not to be your damn tail, as so many of us have unfortunately realized from time to time.