I have been contemplating a move to Europe for a while now (about the past three years, at least) and am wondering why I choose to remain in Canada. Because I like maple syrup? (Ok, that’s a given.) Perhaps everyone has the same problem about actually DOING something they want to do, as there are always projects to finish up, money to be made, grants to apply for.. Having something to stay for, to stay tied to, really renders the idea of starting from scratch hard to swallow.
Canada, for me (Toronto particularly), seems a bit of a bad fit… I feel like it’s hard to have new ideas in a city/country that’s relatively new and young itself — I kind of feel like if Toronto in the 60’s and 70’s were childish and carefree, the 80’s and 90’s were the adolescent and self-indulgent years, then we are currently living in a city that behaves like a newly-turned-twenty, completely convinced that it knows everything to be known, insecure but loudly demanding to be taken as confident. “I’m not a TEENAGER anymore. GOD!” It would at least be satisfying to jump in and fuck it all up if you didn’t have so many scene-people posturing as artistic when they are really semi-evolved conservatives who claim not to be materialistic while spending their income on disposable fashion to bolster their stronghold on Queen Street famous.
I kind of feel like there is a lack of individualism brought on by such a tiny city. You know how they say “Big city with a small-town feel”? Well, that’s because in a real big city you have the luxury of anonymity. Ok, I realize that there is a major discrepancy with me saying I crave anonymity while working in the media, while being available on MySpace and Twitter — but it’s the anonymity to act like an ass and not care, to make art that is a passing microsecond and not something that will define you for the next six years, because the culture here demands that we acknowledge every “celebrity” who every made a byline in the local free paper.
Don’t get it twisted, I’m sure this exists everywhere and I am just searching for something bigger so I won’t be forced to tip my hat to it when I walk into a room. As much as I never feel as though I am on “best behaviour”, I generally feel that in any given room I enter, there will be 90% of the room that IS. It makes the exchange of ideas daunting at best, because, well, why bother showing them I can speak Russian, Italian and Japanese when they can only speak Pig Latin?