Shooting the next video with two weeks notice requires slimming and toneup! Also, it’s getting to be bikini season, so LADIES — we don’t want to hear you complaining the first month of June and GENTS — You don’t want to get laughed at on the the nude beach, Do ya?!
Step 1 – Cut Back on Vitamin V(odka)
For instant slimdown, you are going to have to NOT DRINK. I know. Life Sucks, The Love Is Gone, etc etc etc. But piling on that million calories drinking your troubles away is NOT going to be helpful for your BMI OR your liver (I can hear him crying from here). If you find yourself invited to one of many parties that take place this early in the season (so people can show off their early spring/summer ’09, natch), here are some tips on staying sober(ish) at parties:
a) show up late (always good), in an amazing ensemble that is difficult to take off. That way you won’t be tempted to guzzle.
b) drink scotch. it will make you sleep and you can be all blase and over it then be like “this party blows” and bail early.
c) vodka-and-water. go for the highball glass.
i) start doing drugs — this counteracts the whole natural slimming process and though you’ll be skinny tomorrow, you’ll bloat about 6 hours after you wake up and say “omg i’m so gorgeous!”
ii) drink your calories instead of eating them. your body will have nothing to run on and you’ll be skinny-fat, which is just VILE. plus you’ll be all Hangover City tomorrow.
Step 2 – You ARE what you Eat.
Now that you’ve conquered going out and not drinking, lets get your ass in shape eating-wise.
As many of you know, I’m an adamant (not quite militant) vegetarian. This diet is BOMB not only for calorie control, but many studies have proven a link between the consumption of meat and animal products in the development of cancers, rises in obesity etc. The two “diets” I play around with (although having been a veg for about a million years it’s not like i look in a book for what to eat or anything) are Gillian Lawtrie’s YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT (Watch the Tv Show on TLC, I think) and Those two rad chicks (I forget their names bc someone stole my copy) who wrote SKINNY BITCH.
There is enough fat and sugar in MOST of the stuff we eat, you don’t really need to be scarfing animal byproduct, fat and sugar (which is converted to sugar anyway) as it’s nast and probably going to kill you in the long run. Ps while we’re at it, STOP SMOKING — its like the grossest. We have all (or most) dabbled, but GET IT — You are PAYING to make yourself SICK and DEBILITATED. And that is soooooo dumb.
a) put flaxseed on everything
b) corn chips have like a million calories, they are not a health food even though they sell them in the organic section
c) throw raw veg in with your (organic brown rice gluten free) pasta as it’s cooking and you up your fibre and veg intake when you eat that baby.
d) One OUNCE of a hard cheese (like cheddar) is your daily saturated fat intake. think about that.
Step 3 — Work it, Bitch!
For me, working out throughout the day is important. I know not everyone can wake up and do jumping jacks (or STAR JUMPS if you’re in the UK) Usually I wake up, hit up some hot water with lemon, chow down on half a grapefruit and check my 8 million emails. By the time I no longer feel like i’m going to kill the next person who texts me, I throw on iTunes Radio (I reccomend iDealTunes.ca’s VINYL SLUT) and get my cardio/freeweights and crunches down with a mix of some ballet plies and releves. You can likely find a class around your area, but once you get the hang of it you can basically do it all at home with a yoga mat (or on tour — riiight?).
a) use smaller freeweights and more reps for more toned arms without bulking
b) don’t forget your oblique crunches
c) check your posture