Last night I went out in Edmonton for (really) the first time since I got here. Unfortunately, for those of you Edmontonians reading, we have a case of “a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch” so please, don’t take offense if you yourself, or your friends, or your family aren’t like this. However, I think it is important for you to know how certain individuals are giving your city a bad name with their pathetic behavior.
I went to a place called the HUDSON just to have a drink with two friends, and while we were there it seemed that for the first time we were getting a kind of normal, university-town kind of a feel, however, looking around I noticed a LOT of absolutely disgusting behavior from a lot of the men that the women seemed to tolerate in a “boys will be boys” roll-of-the-eyes kind of a way. I am not talking about guys talking shit to girls in a bar. I’m talking about two men at a time blocking a random girl’s path as she tried to walk out to the patio and grinding into her on either side, laughing about it when she finally pushed him away.
These same two men saw me looking in total horror which was then perceived as an open invitation to come over and start lifting their shirts, touching their nipples and grinding into the table. I had my camera with me, so I thought it would be funny for everyone if we see what A BIG FUCKING LOSER WHO HAS PROBABLY NEVER TALKED TO A GIRL, NEVER MIND SHAGGED ONE looks like in his natural habitat before I demanded they return to their dark corner.
Like, seriously, douchebags, not only is your behavior appalling, but one look in ANY mirror should have told you you never had a chance. Does obvious social ineptitude and general unattractiveness justify not calling these people on their behavior, because it’s their pathetic attempt to be cool or sexually appealing that we should turn the other cheek to? I feel like the general attitude is like “well, he might have assaulted me, but it’s only because that’s the only time he will actually ever touch a real woman, so I will just forget about it and go back to my drink.”
That kind of non-reactive “oh just forget about it” attitude is exactly what continues to allow men to behave in this way that is completely disgusting and disrespectful. It perpetuates the idea that sexual violence and inappropriate contact towards women is not only acceptable, but that it is to be expected and tolerated.
As I was walking down the street, disgusted, away from the Hudson, with my friend, two men approached us as we were heading to the car. As we passed them, one of the men jammed his hand between my thighs as we passed. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? I LOST it in the street, calling him out on this behavior while his friend stayed (he didn’t see what had happened) and the fucking asshole that sexually assaulted me hightailed it down the street. As I was in heels, I couldn’t have grabbed him as he walked away, but make NO mistake, that would NOT have been tolerated and the police would have been called to charge him with sexual assault.
I don’t know what’s more shocking, the fact that that happened or the aftermath on the street. There were about four men standing on the street (spitting, I swear to God) who directly witnessed the incident. As I finished yelling on the street, one of them said to me, in defence of the sex crimes perp “Hey, listen, he only did that because he thinks you’re hot”. LIKE I SHOULD BE PACFIED BY SEXUAL ASSAULT BECAUSE THE PERV THOUGHT I WAS ATTRACTIVE? That kind of rationalization is not only demeaning to the bullshit a LOT of women go through EVERY DAY, but again, it contributes to the notion that ANY kind of behavior like that is anything but TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.
My ladies, I am writing this to you just because I want you to know that IT IS TOTALLY COOL for you to call out these revolting pigs on their disgusting behavior PUBLICLY. It should be in no way tolerated by ANYONE and no matter what you wore to the bar, no matter who bought you a drink or spent 20 minutes being “nice” to you → NO ONE as the right to try and touch you like that. And that you are not “taking it too far” by reporting it to the proper authorities.
I am leaving you with a link to several helplines throughout Canada and The United States, and hopefully this situation will be remedied by more women standing up for themselves and their basic rights.