I was sitting with my cousin the other day and he comes out with the most brilliant gem of the past week.
“God puts a gun to your head and says you have to name ONE GOOD SONG to get into heaven.”
What do you do, hotshot? What. Do. You. Do.
We obviously spent the next hour composing the “God Puts A Gun To Your Head Playlist”. Upon re-re-and-re-reevaluating the question it became more and more apparent that there were multiple intellectual, emotional and psychologically revealing levels that this question was amazing on, for example, does God demand at gunpoint that you pick a song that is universally wicked? Or would God be more on the side of truth and musical justice and unless you picked one that was your own personally relevant B-side he’d be on the trigger? Does God prefer political anthems that encourage the freeing of political prisoners or the ultimate glitched out dance track that sounded so rad when you were on E back in 1998? Should you just name any Jackson 5 song (EXCEPT ABC — imagine the incredulous look on God’s face. “Like, are you serious?”) The question has now been both bronzed and gilded and entered the hall of fame of questions to randomly text potentials.
In other news, my new video is now posted up on MuchMusic.com for Canadian viewers only (cue hate mail). It will be on YouTube ASAP, but as I am neither Bill Gates nor Steve Jobs I am clearly incapable of sorting out how to condense an 8,000 GB HD video into YouTubeable .mov formatting. For those of you who are despy for viewing immediately and require a synopsis in a semi-sour grapes, petulant “well why should I wait and watch it LATER if I can’t have it NOW” sort of a way, I understand the pain and frustration surrounding the delay of instant gratification, so I will give you a mini-description in 25 words or less.
“ME ME ME ME boobs ME ME ME zombies ME ME ME club ME ME ME bridge ME ME ME fade to black.”
Here’s the link for those of you in Canada, stop feeling superior, you’re still Canadian and therefore permanently self-loathing and that’s the way I like you best!