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I first started watching this woman’s ridiculous vlogs at the insistance of the internet, and I can’t. even. handle.

Without going through the many points she’s made (because it’s so not even worth someone like me deigning to explain the idiocy of someone like that… if you want to see what an utter twat this woman is just watch the video above, or basically any of her videos at all), I ‘d like to send an open letter to lil’ miss ‘why do people even post everything on the internet – why can’t people keep it in their homes like it’s the 1950’s!?’

Dear Trisha,

I seriously almost vomited watching your videos.  Thanks!  🙂  In the first few seconds, I thought Meh, she’s really young, and dumb, and thinks she’s gonna be a superstar in LA blah blah blah.  And then I heard your gross, outdated views on politics, feminism, race-relations, LIFE, et cetera.

Here’s the thing, babygirl.  You actually speak so much about what men like, but I doubt (though I’m beyond certain you’ve ‘been with’ many guys – not hating, just being real) that you have ever been with a MAN.  

 Any man with self-respect and an ounce of intelligence would back away slowly from your wonk-stare and inane rambling, having risk-assessed the 100% probability of gaining STI’s and some ‘take me away and marry me out of living in a bedsit’ vibe.  This is based on your look and the way you speak in the videos you post – so don’t get all pouty and ‘why does the internet pick on meeeee??’

Now, I know you’re going to chalk it up to be being a ‘hater’, and like you said in your video, “haters hate because they wish they had something you have”, which I’ll let slide.  Sure, tweak that dose of Oprealism all you like to ‘gain self-confidence’ or whatever it is you’re bound to do to discredit valid commentary your drivel has spawned, and potentially your biggest chance to confront the one-dimensional, manufactured image you’re trying to pass off as unique, interesting and worth a follow (and woah, potentially actually become someone unique, interesting-ish and worth a MEH)

You, like, ‘used to be super-insecure’?  No way!!!

Thanks for all the tips on how to have confidence and feel really great even if I’m confronted with reverse racism in a T.G.I. Fridays (because I’m so beautiful, and have the courage to date a black dude.  Oh I mean, African American Man. Whatever. Cause he’s all ‘Dark Chocolate’ and all).  Thanks for explaining to me that I can proudly wear dresses from the ‘used’ section of the drive-through combination knocking shop/pizza hut.  I can totally ‘Express Myself’ and ‘My Sexuality” and “Inner Beauty” now. But really, though? ‘HATER’?  HA!  What do you have that I don’t?  It’s certainly not a brain, sex appeal, a following, interesting opinions, well-thought-out ideas, talent….ummm do you want me to continue?  ‘Haters’ are ‘hating’ on you because you look and sound like a complete moron, who has the audacity to publicly discredit civil rights movements, feminism, et cetera… do you even get that?

No, you probably don’t.  But I suspect you don’t actually care about the discussions your idiocy has started, never mind the fact that you don’t actually seem capable of a dialogue about these subjects you’ve never researched and have ranted about online.  I imagine you probably think you’ve been quite clever, picking hot-button topics to ‘discuss’ in an attempt to boost your badly-branded acting/singing/stripping career…… Troll by name, troll by nature, hm?  

So.  Question time.  And real’s gonna hurt, so get the baby-wipes and canned-tan ready for the imminent repair job.

Do you actually think you’re going to be an actress?  Really?  Like in the way that Meryl Streep is an actress? (Let’s all pause for a minute just to imagine your Oscar speech for the portrayal of Pamela Anderson’s hefty stand-in in the feature length production of “The Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee Sex Tape“)  Do you honestly think there’s a shortage of LA Bimbo Bitches on the next season of Rock Of Love and that’s what ‘acting’ is?  Do you maybe mean an actress in an ‘adult movie’ context?   Because I really cannot take you seriously with this.  Do you wish it was the 1950’s because your only shot is a ‘shot’ (and I think we all know what kind…) on the casting couch? Ever heard the expression ‘dime a dozen’?  I’m christening you with ‘nickel a thousand’

Do you really think a ‘MAN’ (as I mentioned above — which is like, upstairs from this paragraph, ‘kay? — I doubt you’ve ever encountered) wants to be represented by a woman he’d like to marry (LOL LOL LOL) in the way that you have represented yourself all over the internet?

Oh, and this man, who is totally tolerant, loving and respectful of your “career” and “opinions” is obviously going to be some kind of millionaire, naturally, to financially support you with your no-job and 6-10 babies.  He’s going to be a really ambitious man just swooning over you and how gorgeous and beautiful and intelligent you are, yeah?  Are you actually stupid enough to think that a man who would prefer a woman who keeps her silly ol’ LADY opinions to herself and makes sure the ‘house is pretty and the kids are pretty’ is going to be the type of man who isn’t possibly a complete sexist dick himself (match made in heaven, if only he doesn’t beat you in the face when you’re outta line, right)?

You bang on about being a Catholic and a Republican – and you’ve said you’d thought you might want to go into politics yourself (as the entire universe just barfed in its’ mouth).  “Women shouldn’t be in politics because they are bad drivers”? FUCKING HELL!  I’m sputtering sentence fragments, you’re so dumb!  Check a few other ‘ladies’ with political aspiration: Idnira Ghandi! Aung San Suu Jyi! Elizabeth I!  (No, Sarah Palin does not make anything close to the cut.)  Are you that self hating, with that little self-confidence that you’re pleased to be spouting that woman-bashing dogmatic rubbish?

I imagine you think those kind of ‘political’ views may, in fact endear you to one of those Mitt Romney types that you’re gonna vote for ‘because he’s cute’.  Mitt Romney thinks abortion should be criminalized (well you know, except for the bad pregnancies like from rape or incest).  You go on about how you don’t have babies and (OMG) you had to download some pictures of ‘mixed-race kids’ to your sidekick ‘for work’ – because it would make you more money with the ethnically diverse clientele who visit the strip club in the daytime, and have ‘a thing’ for being lied to with ‘yeah, I guess I do look really good since I just gave birth six weeks ago’.    Maybe you won’t even have to bother downloading those pictures if hot-stuff-Romney gets elected, because he’ll probably outlaw the damn morning-after pill as well as ban abortion, and you strike me as the proactive, safe sex type who insists on using condoms every time – insert massive eyeroll here.  The bad news is you might have more competition in the daytime strip olympics from other ‘moms’, as you mentioned, because with the economy the way it is and more babies and less money in the social funding kitty…  Uh-Oh!  He also feels strongly that there is a ‘cesspool of pornography’ in America today, and I’m pretty sure stripping doesn’t qualify as child’s-birthday-entertainer, so you might be out of a job, kitten.  Two jobs if you count famous superstar actress in the always-classy adult film industry.  Mitt Romney also doesn’t believe in LGBTQ rights, so why don’t you talk to all your cool, drag queen friends about that while you’re spouting off feel-good RuPaul quotes. Work!

I actually feel a bit sorry for you, because you’re clearly desperate for attention, massively insecure and a byproduct of some shitty small town. Evidence? EVERYTHING YOU POST.   Look, I didn’t wake up this morning wanting to be a complete bitch, and I’m sure you don’t wake up each morning thinking “I want to portray myself in a pathetic, self-hating, insecure-masquerading-as-open-book-confidence fashion and then be fayyyyymouuuus forevvvverrr!”  I’m sure it makes you feel like a goddess to have people responding to the nonsense you spew, to feel like you have started some internet sensation, but you know what? So has this guy:

So don’t feel too special. LA is big but it ain’t that big and getting a name for yourself (particularly in West Hollywood) as an uneducated, racist, right-wing, self-hating barf-bag version of a blow-up doll is not going to do your ‘career’ any favors.

You said you can put your whole fist in your mouth. For the love of God, DO IT ALREADY.

Love and Kisses,

NikkiAwesome

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